Living in Anyone’s Quarter-Life Crisis
April 21, 2016 (when I was 25 y.o)
Panicking doesn’t help, if we are right now hitting 25 or older. Well okay, we might feel it is such a BIG thing, that we are now facing our quarter-life. That big round number or this first quarter life can echo in anyone’s heads with that age. We could find ourselves afraid that it is kind of ending, but also a beginning. The question then revolves around what kind of beginning? Is it really the end? Where do I have to go after this phase?
When we turn 25, it can cause some serious doubts and questions, as I said earlier. Honestly, it led me to some kind of quarter-life crisis too. Beforehand I always thought well, I’m getting old, I’m growing up, so now what? Seeing my friends kind of making so many checklists before they even hit 25 years old, the fear embarked like somehow it had been there, deep inside of me. The fears then came to the surface when some friends held their wedding receptions where I was invited. Seriously though, it was a lot of invitations I just couldn’t have the urge to attend it.
Marriage, having kids, continuing my study then became something that made me think. Actually and honestly (adverb-abuse, I know), I am never ready to step into that new level in life. Well, probably not yet.
I don’t know how long, though, that I would have that kind of feeling. But I always have this kind of glimpse-thinking that I’m a late bloomer. Not only for talents but also for experiences.
I started it late. You know, life.
Then I surfed the internet and Googled it down, the quarter-life crisis. The definition from Dictionary.com turned out to be: a crisis that may be experienced in one’s twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.
The fears are about physical concerns (healthy mind and soul), occupational matters like, job loss, then social anxiety-like not having any man to date nor having the intention to start it with anyone, really because your old flame is still on fire (gosh, who said moving on is easy?).
It was worsened by the fact that society, especially in Indonesia is too demanding. People here love to set some stages that a person of certain ages should step in, or accomplish their lists.
And when we turn 25, some of the lists they want us to accomplish are;
1. Getting hitched
2. Having kids
3. Getting well-paid (in 2 digits)
4. Getting loans for our own resident/home or flat will do
5. Having at least a car
6. Planning on continuing our study (while getting married or having our first son will do)
7. Showing some maturity
8. Stop using emoji
9. Stop showing feelings too bluntly
10. Stop making a bunch of mistakes
11. Stop experimenting with our job or men (mostly)
12. Having a certain, kind of permanent goal (which is related to marriage stuff)
13. Contemplating that we are old already, so stop goofing around like some immature kids!
I JUST CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE.
Some people even set the bar too high for anyone else to reach, you know, who are lucky enough and privileged, but I don’t want to put them in categories.
Fortunately, those are lists set by unrelated persons (whom you should ignore anyways). Let’s check what my parents told me about the crisis:
1. No Need to Rush
My dad is the wisest man on Earth. I believe every wise word of him. A lucky daughter who is trusted that I would do better, that life is getting better from time to time if you endure it patiently, without complaining about God’s will. He said that the fear would be there, for sure. We would find this kind of thinking, “what have we been doing with our life all these years?”. Whether we go to college or have just started a new, exciting job, our early twenties are destined to be the time when we figure it all out. So we don’t have to rush and stop feeling like we are thousand years late for EVERYTHING.
2. Make a Bunch of Mistakes While You Can and Learn From Them
My mom is actually the best example of that one person who obeys the rules created by society. Got her education done, got married in perfect time, chose family over career, and successfully raised 7 healthy kids.
But you know what, she thinks that it is a mistake to not pursue your dreams. Each person carries a different kind of dream. So did she. She didn’t know that she could be a model back in time when she was young. She doesn’t regret it, tho. She has loved kids from the beginning and it was also one of her dreams, to get married and have kids. But she started it too early. She always thinks she could delay it for a few years, like 3 or 4 years. While delaying, she could do many things she wants. The same thing happens to my older sister too. She’s been preaching it,
“You should enjoy your life, do many things you want, experiment more, and don’t rush.”
Basically, they told me that it is okay to delay your adulthood and learn more from your mistakes. Our turn for new things including our future will come eventually.
3. Reflect More
While we are having our late-bloomer phase of life, isn’t it the perfect time to reflect more? We can go on a journey to find our true selves. It’s totally fine to take a gap year to cluelessly explore the city. We are young and unattached, after all. There are always times for us to reflect on our mistakes and learn some new experiences. Get to know more people, discover the beauties of the flaws that they share with us. But still, don’t lose ourselves.
4. The More Experiences, the Better
We're not having the ability to formulate some kind of magic elixirs as we could find in The Sims. To figure out things, the flows should be: experiment more, make mistakes, then we figure out stuff. It has always been like that. We will never know until we really experience it. So, just do it.
5. It’s Okay to Change Your Goals
You know I have been a writer. SEO writer, content writer, and now having a job position like Executive Editor is kinda easy. But sometimes my likeness towards writing is decreasing somehow. Yet I feel okay. I am pretty sure the talent is inside, so I only have to polish it. As long as I can write my heart out, it is okay. I realize our passion shouldn’t have to be the only way for us to earn some pennies. We will be demanding to it and ruin its soul. Like we are getting disconnected with the ability. So it is best to immediately reevaluate our goals. To head into a new place, we need some goals that will lead us there, that right place designed only for you. Sit down and reevaluate what we really want to do in life. Do not pursue goals that are not right for us.
6. Stop Comparing
Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop comparing our life with others. It is like the top number on the “how to be happy” list. We alone are enough. We owe nobody to prove our accomplishments. We know that life happens at different paces for some people. It is okay to have friends who get married first, or graduated with their master's degree. We can still create an awesome career for ourselves. It is kind of exciting to figure out those best things that we would face later, right? Though it can be tough, try not to compare yourself. Feel happy for our friends who have great accomplishments and then focus back on our own life.
It is probably scary to find ourselves getting older, but really, age is just a number. Stop calling ourselves old. The quarter-life crisis should not get us down.
Sit down, do good, and reflect more. You will get through it just fine in the end. We only have to believe.